I was reading the wdwip forum where I found the topic about leaving girlfriends/boyfriends, few day ago it wasn't really hard for me because my girl and I were like in break since some months ago. That topic help me to realize having a relationship in our home contry and leaving it could be very hard so I think I was ok with the break, but then one day I was thinking about the time I've lost with Diana (my grils name). We are gonna be so far during a year and this will have two options, the one where we both forget about each other, or the other where we both stay together.
Well, first of all why did we brake it up??... The mean reason was because we barely hang out, her parents are so hard with her and with our relationship talking about going out. I thought we would be better if we found one different guy or girl respectively or even being alone for a while would be great for me.
Going back about that day I had a big thinking I really awake of what I was doing, some questions come out like Javier why are you doing this crazy stuff???... Man!!! I really care about this girl. So Why Why Why??...
Pfff.... I decided I have to do something, forget everything or get involved again... Last monday I came into her place, we got a ride on the bike and ice cream, but I couldn't say anything haha... When I was leaving we talk but I didn'y know what happended to me, I was questioning her again about many things we have been living. Finally she said ok lets do it again, not actually coming back together but trying to be fine, during my ride back to home I had again that thinking stuff on my mind, when I arrived I had decided to put all from me to recover all we had one day. No matter the time away, no matter anything... Chatting on the bb msn we got some deals and plans, ok!! now everything's gonna be fine!!! So happy about it!...
It was tuesday afternoon, we were at the gym we have a big fight because she was talking with some guy on her phone, I asked her to give it to me and she didn't!!... Wow!!! I have to say I am a very jelous boy, that situation made me crazy!! Everything finish really bad, I though now it was everything. It was very hard because we had a deal from the day before, how come those it is happening again?? Is she interested in someone else??.. Oh my god! My mind was flying so far!!!.................
At evening I got only just to send her a mail, because after some hours I realize that was my fault, I told her many times to have friends, hang out with them (but just girls!!! haha)... Now she is being different with me, she's having some experiences and those ain't with me... Definitely it was all my fault, I really wanted she could live everything with me and now it is not being that way!! So sad!!... Fortunately she was online also, she chat to me, explaining some about what happened, I can't belive it, we have talked the day before!!!..
Ouch I am doing this a little boring or long at least, but it helps me to relieve myself.
To finish this... everything went ok... I now I have failed her before, again my mind saying Javier you really care about her... don't be silly!..
Yesterday was her b-day, I asked a day off on the work to be with her but she had classes on the school haha, then she said she was going to spend some time with her friends then we could meet us. Nothing to say!! Ok let's go have dinner!... I picked her up on the school at 5pm then we had all the afternoon and continue talking.. I gave her some flowers then a letter to ask her being with me again, not just as we are but into a relationship.. I don't know if it is the best we can do, what I am sure is that I lost a lot of time, now I want to have the best time ever.. No matter if is one month, one year or more but having the best time together will be a great life gift for her and for me of course!... Se agreed with me... So, I am really happy!!!...
I have to admit I am still thinking about how is she being last days!... She has friends, she talk with a lof of people on the chat, facebook, etc.... I am so jealous about it... But you know what!!! I am trying not to be that way, I want to trust.. If everything went wrong some day I will be fine cuz at least I try... I am promising to my self not to have crazy jelous thinking anymore... If she cares about me so as I do about her everything will be great!!!.....
Javier
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